So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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