I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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