i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
