Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
