He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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