so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
