Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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