Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
