I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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