bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
