If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
