She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
