I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
