Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
