Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
