i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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