i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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