remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
he fucked my hip out of place.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
