I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
