it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he fucked my hip out of place.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
