I puked a lego.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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