can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
