I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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