Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
