just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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