I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
