Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
