Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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