For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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