im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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