Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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