I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
