my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
