How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
