Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
