so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
