i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
