Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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