Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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