...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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