your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize