He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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