dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
