roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
this just has baby written all over it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
