Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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