now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
