rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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