Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
