Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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