yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
