hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
