the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Still dying that you shit outside
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
