Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
