fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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