Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
