The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
