Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Who died my cat blue again?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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