I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i think my cat just said my name.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All I want is dick and wine.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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