it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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