alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
