Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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