My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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