tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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