Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
