ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
